Friday, March 20, 2009

I apologize in advance for this post

I saw this picture on one of my favorite blogs today.

It is quite a famous picture entitled "Primavera" by Botticelli.

Quick, without clicking on the link, was Botticelli a man or a woman?

There is a dead giveaway hidden in this picture -- and it doesn't have anything to do with the abundance of scantily clad women either.

Can you tell what it is?

Need a hint?
There you go. Botticelli was a man. Because a woman would never have painted a man in a toga wearing his "warrior" boots and tube socks.

Just like my "performance toilet." It can only have been marketed by a man, as Cheree postulated: "You know it was a man that came up with the name of the "Performance Toilet" and not just a performance toilet but the global leader."

I would guess the Marketing Mastermind behind the Performance Toilet might have had this kind of performance in mind:

Or possibly the Ad Exec was dreaming of the "Man's Bathroom" as Allyson speculated: "When I read the words "performance toilet" I had a flashback to an OLD "Home Improvement" episode. You know, the show with Tim Allen as an almost mentally handicapped handy man. ANYWAY there was an episode where they made a "man bathroom" and there was a TV and cup holders, a mini fridge, and...the toilet reclined. Quite a performance if you ask me."

But alas, said toilet does not recline. And there is something morally and ethically wrong with having a fridge or drinks in a bathroom. Can you say "Fecal Aerosols"?

It could be that Mr. Marketing was sports minded, and was thinking of this kind of performance:

Val is also sports minded, and asked: "So, does your new toilet require a dose of Performance Enhancing Drugs on a regular basis?"

Val, I read recently that "people" shouldn't be flushing their unused prescriptions down the toilet, so, alas, our Performance Toilet will no longer "unknowingly" *wink*wink* be taking performance enhancing drugs.

From the Head Nurse comes the following: "I would say a toilet that performs really is something special- Can you bring it out here for our entertainment?"

And "Henry" (Henry, are you really my dad, incognito? Do you feel slightly chagrined to be asking a question about a toilet? Even though it was quite funny?)

"Henry" *cough*cough* asked: "Is a performance toilet something like performance art? Do you need a ticket to see it? Or use it?"

Alas, Henry and Head Nurse, the Performance Toilet is exclusively engaged at the Lunchroom. Though the toilet occasionally utilizes a candle -- or sometimes just a match -- in the performance of its art, it can't quite be considered atrue performance artist. The toilet performs daily, with the occasional midnight show. No tickets are necessary, and the Toilet recommends you try the Roast Beef, or even better -- the All-Bran -- and please, don't forget to tip your server.

And sadly, Amber, despite your hopes (and mine) for better performance: "Be happy you chose a performance toilet. Perhaps it will perform better than the old water saver toilets that never pump enough water through to flush much on the first try...sorry to be graphic."

The Manly Man's Global Leader in Performance Toilets is not quite man enough for this Man:


momtherunner said...

Good point! Mrs. Marketing's Performance Toilet would have been self-cleaning, at least.

valmike said...

I love this! You seriously made my morning. Thanks. -VAL

Farm Girl said...

Aw, such an innocent little face, too- you'd just never guess what he's capable of.

DailyFamily said...

Ok, I have nothing witty to say, but I am laughing so hard my sides hurt!

Allyson said...

So great! Your powers of perception are awe inspiring!

Nanette said...

But. . .
You didn't answer my question. :(
I'm just sayin'

Head Nurse or Patient- you be the judge said...

I would like to point out that the man in the painting is trying in vain to get those of the female persuasion to pay attention to him, and to no success (although they look like they might be laughing at him) so let that be a lesson to all males- if you want female attention - don't dress like a geek