Friday, February 27, 2009

potty mouth

A short post about necessary things.

'Specially written for YOU.

We are in the middle of a remodel. (If you can count getting new flooring as remodeling. If you can't count it, then we are just in the middle of a MESS.)

We are getting new flooring. Which means we have to get rid of the old flooring first. The first floors to go were the two upstairs bathrooms and the laundry room.

Such a mess. But the boys have had a fantastic time doing demolition.
Give a boy a tool and you'll keep him entertained for hours. Don't you like his choice of work clothes? PJs.

Very versatile.

They worked all day Saturday filling this bucket with staples from the underlayment. Underlayment is a fancy word for wood under a vinyl floor. In case you didn't know.
The only boy who wasn't thrilled with the demolition was the big one. PB&J is not a plumber, and he was stressed by the thought of removing and replacing the toilets.

Perhaps the task was made a little more enjoyable by a little trip to the Home Depot. We had to replace one of the toilets completely. The tank lid was cracked on the old one, and apparently you can't just buy a new tank lid, you have to get a whole new toilet.

So I sent PB&J to the Home Depot, and look what he came home with:
Yes, it's true.

A "Performance Toilet".

Which certainly has to be better than a non-performing toilet, don'tcha think?

Anyway. The moral of the story is, anything thing can be cool if it has the right name.

Which somehow leads me to my next topic,

In honor of my forthcoming

200th post!

I want show YOU how much I appreciate YOU, Gentle Reader, and so I want to answer your questions. It can be about anything: How do I like my bacon cooked? (Crispy) If you stacked Bill Gates fortune up, in dollar bills, would it be taller than the Space Needle? (Yes). Those are just some examples. I flatter myself by thinking that you have questions you want answered. So humor me, will ya, please? Ask me some questions, and I will answer them on my

200th post!

Ask me anything, and I will do my best to answer all of them. Even you lurkers can feel free to de-lurk long enough to ask me something! (I promise it won't hurt and I won't think your question is stupid.) If you don't ask me any questions, then I will be forced to soothe my ego and ask myself questions. And that could be frightening. You don't want to witness a conversation between me and myself.

Go ahead,

Ask the Lunch Lady!

And look for answers to all your life's questions coming soon to a Sack Lunch near you!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

a little sum'in sum'in

If you were wondering what to give me for my 200th post anniversary (which is coming up very soon),

You may want to consider this:

Very apropos, don'tcha think?

A little bird brain tole me you can get it here.

Monday, February 23, 2009

tres risque

I bought the Oldest Carrotstick these shoes the other day:(Don't cringe. She has had gold shoes before and wore the heck out of them. They go with everything, don't you know. And metallic is the new neutral, naturally.)

This didn't keep me from buying them either.

But. She won't wear them.

And why won't she wear them?

Because they are


All I can figure is that she prefers ballet shoes that show at little cleavage. Toe cleavage.
What do you think? Should I be worried about this proclivity for showing skin? Can you show toe cleavage and still abide by the standards in For the Strength of the Youth?

Just wondering.

Not really. But I did think it was kind of funny. I don't think I have ever once given a second thought to toe cleavage. And if you are my sister Kate, you think that anything that has to do with feet is gross and disgusting.

Anyway. Have a great Monday! Live a little -- show some toe cleavage! (I won't tell!)

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

me and my peeps

I bought my first package of Peeps of the season yesterday.

I heart Peeps -- but only the Easter ones. I just can't get behind Cr-eeps at Halloween, Snow-peeps at Christmas, or even the Stars and Str-eeps for the 4th of July. True Authentic Peeps belong only at Easter. The rest are just frauds and imposters. I don't care what the Just Born Company might say. That's my story and I'm sticking (like gooey marshmellow on toddler fingers) to it.

I do really love Peeps. And I enjoyed the whole package almost by myself. I know, some of you don't like Peeps. Or candy corn. I love both. I hope you don't think less of me.

Even if you don't care for Peeps, you're sure to enjoy the Washington Post's Peep Diorama contest. My sister, Kate, introduced me to it last year. I hope they do it again this year. It's amazing. And worth wasting your time on. Even better if you can enjoy a package of sugary soft and slightly crunchy at the same time Peeps. Here's a little something to whet your appetite. It is entitled "The PEEP Vinci Code".

Peep picture by Zeke .

Diorama by scostello2.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

random bits of ran-dumb-ness

My life is so inspiring, not to brag or anything.

Let me share it with you with this brillant photo essay.

Prepare to be amazed.


I had a yogurt today. It was one-third full of mushy blueberries. Gross. I couldn't bring myself to eat them.

PB&J hates all yogurt. And cantelope. Just thought you should know.

I am actually making dinner today.


Made with elk meat, courtesy of our great white hunter (I don't mean that in a racist way), because I am trying to live off the land and stuff. And use the abundance of meat in our freezer.

Be glad I'm not YOUR Lunch Lady.

While cooking, I like to wash my hands frequently (just so you know, Kellye).

However, I don't like using the Noel Vanilla soap. It is green. And slimy. And it was given to us by the parents of the Oldest Carrotstick's Mean-Girl Friend, in between bouts of mean-ness. And hence the soap feels even more slimy, because of where it came from. But I feel obligated to use it up. It's my pioneer heritage -- "use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without." Onward, Pioneers!

Yep. That's my motto.

Even though I get the heebie jeebies every time I use that soap, I will perservere!

There. I promised ran-dumb, and I delivered. Hope your day has been more inspiring than mine!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

time and tide

"They" say that


wait for no man.

The Middle Carrotstick gets it -- the whole Time thing. He hates being late. He gets so cross with me when he is not 25 minutes early for school. ("Come on, Mom!" is our weekday morning mantra. If he could drive himself to school, he would.)

Whereas, the Oldest Carrotstick is a whole 'nuther story. She has absolutely no concept of time.

We have renamed her. She is now known as Her Royal Highness, the Princess of Czech-o-Slow-Poke-ia.

Because she really, truly, thinks that Time and Tide should, and will, wait for her.


Any tips for dealing with the chronometrically challenged?

Monday, February 9, 2009

i spy

Hey, I have an idea . . .

Let's play a game!

Look at this picture.
It shows two walls (or planes, geometrically speaking). And the new (chiming) wall clock that PB&J got me for Christmas. It replaces the old (cheap) wall clock that we used to have that sounded like the doorbell every time it chimed (we cut the chime wire). But this clock is not e-lec-tronic. It has to be wound. By hand. With a key. And it chimes most gloriously. And it is a not-so-subtle reminder of how much time I waste doing who-knows-what in fifteen minute increments. I love it.


But, back to the game.

True or False:

The walls in the picture are the same color.

Think carefully. Record your answer. With a number two pencil.

And then look at the picture below.

The answer: False.

The wall in my front room is blue/gray (or grey). The wall in the hall is a very pleasing beige-y color.

This, my friends, is an illustration of what different light can do to a paint color. The first picture was taken Christmas morning, with the blinds closed, while I was admiring my clock, and noticed the strange paint anomaly.

The second picture was with the blinds open and the true paint colors shining forth.

The moral of the story: Don't buy paint on a whim. Stick the paint chip you are considering on the wall (along with a number of its closest cousins) and look at it over and over and over in all kinds of light.

Just thought you should know, since my friend Amber wanted to know. And I'm sure Kate has been dying to know what my clock looks like. (Strangely, it looks much like my mom and dad's wall clock. Just in a different wood. Who knew??)

One more paint buying tip: I always have the paint guys mix the paint up at 75%-80%. "75% of what?" you ask. Well, I don't know for sure. Is it 75% strength or value? I don't know. I do know you can start even lower and keep adding %-age-wise to it 'til it is the color you want. When I've had paint mixed it up at full strength/value/intensity/hue it always seems more than what I really wanted, and slightly less strength/value/intensity/hue always seems right. Or better. And tell the paint guy to smudge some paint on the top of the lid and then ask them to DRY it, so you can really tell what the true color will look like.

Anything else you really wanted to know?

Ask the Lunch Lady!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

i heart presents

Once again, I am looking out for your gift giving needs.

(remember, valentine's day is just around the corner)

and so you don't get stuck in the doghouse on the day of love and romance,

consider giving your beloved a present that really shows how you feel:

You can hold your heart in your hands by buying it here.

Monday, February 2, 2009


I had to sign up my daughter for SEMINARY yesterday.

I think someone made a mistake. She can't possible be old enough for that.

I can't possibly be old enough for that.