cast your vote

The Oldest Carrotstick has decided to run for next year's Student Council. 'Cause it'll look good on her college application, don'tcha know?

Because she didn't find out until yesterday if she qualified, we put off making posters for her campaign until today. (Thankfully, they were limited to a total of 3 posters.)

And since I am totally in love with the Powers of Photoshop -- and against sloppy, crooked, hand-lettered Vote For Me posters that never quite turn out as well as you hope they will (I really try not to be a control freak. Really, I do. But sometimes it's really hard.) It meant that today we were outside taking pictures of her for her campaign.

Outside.

Today.

In the rain.

And then the snow.

(It's April, right?)


I kept telling her "It's ok, rainstorms never last very long in Utah."

And on and on it rained.

And then snowed.

Finally, we got all our planned shots. Then we ran home, I photoshopped, and then ran to Costco to get them printed up before they closed at 7:00. Why in the world does Costco close at 7:00 on a Saturday night? Don't they know they are supposed to stay open until 12 for all the last minute won't-shop-on-Sunday-Mormons?

Anyway. Here are her posters.

(Can I just tell you, I love the balloon one!?)

This one is supposed to be a take off of the Arby's "I'm thinking Arby's campaign" -- you know, with the little cowboy hat over their head. I know, it's a bit of a stretch. Use your imagination.

This was the last shot of the day. Her hair is totally soaked. But she had an amazingly good attitude. So unlike the time I wanted to do a photoshoot of the kids for our Christmas cards. It's all about motivation, I tell you.

I really like the balloon one. Here it is without the words.

So great!

So far, the trip is going well. The Oldest Carrotstick got a few catcalls yesterday, and today she was lucky enough to find her knight in shining armor. It was a small consolation for being drug through the Art Institute of Chicago. (Why this picture is so small, I don't know.)

We saw the original American Gothic and discovered that the lady in the painting was supposed to be the farmer's disappointed-in-love-and-life maiden daughter, not his crabby wife, like I always thought. Here's a picture of the O.C. with a giant 3-D reproduction of American Gothic standing in a plaza Downtown. If you look really close at the bottom of the farmer's pitchfork, you can see the Oldest Carrotstick hanging on it. It is huge!!!


I am posting from my cell phone and I can't figure out how to do a title. Sorry. If you care.

The Oldest Carrotstick and I are in Chicago visiting my sister Competitive Kate and her Smarty Pants Husband. Kate lives right by Lake Michigan, just up the way from the Prez's Midwest White House. The O.C. is experiencing a little bit of culture shock being here. Things are very big and very busy. However, she felt right at home shopping on the Magnificent Mile yesterday. Just give her a 2 story Forever 21 or H&M and she's back in her element.

egg salad sandwiches with a twist

The other day, our nephew Alex received his mission call. He wanted his family and friends there when he opened it. Needless to say, we were happy to oblige. All except the Oldest Carrotstick. She had "made plans with her friends" and being 13 and all, she couldn't quite get the concept that mission calls trump hanging with friends. In the end, she went with us, but not without being a pain in the end.


We joined the throng of people crammed into Alex's family room, all gathered there to support and celebrate the advent of such a life shaping event with him.


We held our breath as he opened the big white envelope and began to read. And then he came to part that said, "Nebraska Omaha Mission," and we all exhaled and smiled. His mom was especially relieved.

Eventually, people made their way back to their regularly scheduled lives -- except for our family and a group of Alex's close friends.

The Middle Carrotstick and the Youngest Carrotstick disappeared to play with Alex's little brothers, whilst PB&J and I visited with Alex's parents and grandparents in the front room. As we chatted, I kept expecting the Oldest Carrotstick to come in and pester me about leaving. I waited and waited. No Oldest Carrotstick. Figuring she was barricaded in a corner, texting, I went to find her and assess her irritation level.

Instead, I found her smack. dab. in. the. middle. of. Alex. and. his. friends. All boys. All 17 and older. And shockingly, she wasn't just there as an annoying little eavesdropping cousin. They were talking to her. And she was laughing.



THOSE ALMOST ADULT BOYS WERE FLIRTING WITH MY DAUGHTER!!!!!



DID THEY NOT KNOW???

All of the sudden I understood how a momma bear feels when her cub is in danger.

I was ready to:



Somehow I managed to control myself. Since then, I have come up with a devious way to deal with such issues in the future. Which brings me to todays Good Food Friday recipe, in honor of the forthcoming holiday, and the eggs I just hard boiled for said holiday.

I call this:

Hungry Boys Easter Egg Salad Sandwiches

Here's the general recipe. Warning: I'll include my special Hungry Boys Variation at the end.


4 slices bacon (about 4 ounces), cut ino 1/4-inch pieces
2 large shallots , chopped medium
6 large eggs
1/4 cup mayo
1 tablespoon minced fresh parsley leaves
1/4 cup watercress , leaves chopped coarse
2 teaspoons Dijon mustard
2 teaspoons lemon juice
ground black pepper

Instructions:


1. In medium skillet over medium heat, fry bacon until brown and crisp, about 5 minutes. Transfer bacon with slotted spoon to plate lined with paper towel; pour off all but 1 tablespoon of fat from pan. Add shallots and sauté until softened and browned, about 5 minutes.

2. Place eggs in medium saucepan, cover with 1 inch of water, and bring to boil over high heat. Remove pan from heat, cover, and let sit for 10 minutes. Meanwhile, fill a medium bowl with 1 quart water and 1 tray of ice cubes (or equivalent). Transfer eggs to ice water bath with slotted spoon; let sit 5 minutes, peel and dice medium.

3. Mix all ingredients, including bacon and shallots, together in medium bowl, including pepper to taste. Serve. (Can be covered and refrigerated overnight.)


Hungry Hormonal Adolescent Boys Flirting With My Very Young Daughter Variation:

After mixing all the ingredients together, place bowl in warm sunny location for a day or two. Then use to make sandwiches to serve to any boys who are giving the Oldest Carrotstick a little too much attention.

JUST KIDDING!!!! I don't really mean it. Well, maybe a little. But I would never do it, because leaving eggs in a warm sunny place is a breeding ground for bacteria and that could give you (or any flirtatious teenage boy) food poisoning. DO NOT DO IT!!! IT IS DANGEROUS! And bad for you.

A good Lunch Lady would never advocate or do such a thing.

But just in case:

Dear Alex,

Keep your friends away from the Oldest Carrotstick.

Oh, and have a great mission! We are so proud of you!

Love,

Aunt Lunch Lady



Happy Easter!

Happy fresh, refrigerated Egg Salad!

huh?

Dyslexic SIgn
Originally uploaded by The Other Dan

Yesterday, a bedazzled twentysomething salesgirl was trying to help me order something for the house.

She had to write down all my important information in triplicate. I watched her write, peering over her shoulder, waiting for her to stumble over the spelling of my name. I pretty much expect everyone to mis-spell my name -- as everyone with a non-traditionally spelt name does by the time they are 400 years old, like myself. True, I could just spell it upfront, but I don't. I always wait to see if, by some chance, some freak roll of the dice, someone will get it right.

They seldom do. She was no different. There were neither flashing lights nor the electronically enhanced rapidfire ching-ching-ching-ing of nickels falling out of the slot machine, as she botched the spelling of my name and I, swallowing the "Jackpot!" waiting at the tip of my tongue, proffered the correction instead.

She moved on to the next blank on the form. "What's your phone number?" she asked, pen poised.

With the watchful eye of a bankrupt gambler, I dictated, "8 - 0 - 1 . . ." She wrote "801." So far, so good.

I continued, "4 . . ."

She wrote "7."

Slightly louder, I repeated, "Four . . ."

With a quick, slightly flustered, laugh she scribbled out the seven and wrote "4" instead.

Nodding, I continued slowly, "6 - 3, " and paused. She was keeping up. Feeling encouraged, I was ready to lay down all my cards: a straight flush.

I played my hand. "5467," I said.

She wrote: "4-5-7-6."

"Uh," I said, "It's 5-4-6-7."

"Oh! Whoops!" she exclaimed, with embarrassed smile and an apologetic shrug of her showgirl shoulders, "I must be a little anorexic when it comes to numbers!"

Bingo.

This was a total experiment to see if I could post blog fodder from my phone in a different way that I have done it before. I am so excited that it worked!!! I am technologically challenged, so I am grateful for any little breakthroughs that I make.

This is a picture from the Littlest Carrotstick's birthday dinner. He chose this restaraunt solely for that number 7 pizza.

c@belas

----------
Sent from my Verizon Wireless mobile phone

Greetings from my personal manifestation of he11.

This message was sent using the Picture and Video Messaging service from Verizon Wireless!

your questions, final installment

People!!!!

Are you crazy? Asking me for parenting advice?

Do you not remember this -- the whole your-kid-breaks-his-finger-and-you-never-treat-him- for-it incident????

It's like hiring the lol cats to teach your kid to spell.




But since you asked, I can haz answerz. And I'll even throw in a recipe at the end.

I will try to refrain from supplementing each answer with a lol catz picture. You can thank me for that later.

And now, my Dr. Spock's two cents worth.

Get out your notebooks and prepare yourself to take copious amounts of notes to review at your pleasure.


*Ahem*


Are you ready?

Question #1 from Bonnie: "okay, here's my question: how do i get my baby to sleep through the night?"

Seconded by Kellie: "Well right now as I am trying to ignore my screaming baby who doesn't want to go back to be I am think of the same question as bonnie jack."


Bonnie and Kellie, are you ready for this?

Here it is, everything I know about getting babies to sleep through the night:
Did you get that?

Listen carefully, and I'll tell you again:What? You only heard crickets?

Ahh. That explains it. All I can say, is good luck. And don't be afraid to let them cry. And maybe a warm bath before bedtime will help. Either for you or for the baby. Baths used to wear my babies out. Other than that, I recommend you read here for more information.

Kellie also asked: "what is a good way to get my boys to eat breakfast, lunch or dinner when we are eating those meals?"

Kellie, a sure-fire way to help your cute boys eat is to feed them only candy for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But really, who's to say when breakfast is? In the lunchroom, we love to have waffles for dinner -- but usually only when PB&J is out of town. He's old-fashioned that way. Not quite what you were hoping for, I know. And I'm sorry. But good luck with that!

And finally, The Daily Family implores:

"Please, please tell me what is the secret I have missed to successful potty-training??(since we're talking about potties and questions, that is)"

Here in the Lunchroom, potty training never really worked until my kids were 2 1/2. After that, everything came out ok. I tried it earlier than that with the Oldest (when I was still ambitious and full of dreams) but 2 1/2 seemed to be the magic age in our family. I don't know why.

So there you go. A whole bunch of completely unsatisfactory answers to the hardest job on earth.

I just hope and pray everything will work out ok and my kids won't be totally messed up when they are grown.

Please join me in a moment of silence.
For the children.

And the mothers.

Thank you.

And now, to reward you for your good behavior, here's a crazy recipe from the Pioneer Woman that my blog friend Allyson pointed me to. Apple Dumplings made magical through a can of Mountain Dew.

Speaking of caffeine, I was in a store yesterday that had a sign up that read:

"Unattended children will be given a Red Bull and a free puppy."

If that's not a threat . . .

Anyway, back to the recipe. Yes, you read that right. Mountain Dew. Now, I am not a connoisseur of Mountain Dew, but I am willing to give this a try, just because I like a good miracle. And if these are half as good as Allyson says, I think they would rate as a miracle in my book.

Have a look at the recipe:

Pioneer Woman's Apple Dumplings

2 Granny Smith apples
2 cans crescent rolls
2 sticks butter
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 teaspoons vanilla
cinnamon
1 small can Mountain Dew

Peel and core apples. Cut apples into 8 slices each. Roll each apple slice in a crescent roll. Place in a 9 x 13 buttered pan. Melt butter, then add sugar and barely stir. Add vanilla, stir, and pour over apples. Pour Mountain Dew around the edges of the pan. Sprinkle with cinnamon and bake at 350 degrees for 40 minutes. Serve with ice cream, and spoon some of the sweet sauces from the pan over the top.

And here's the link, so you can admire Pioneer Woman's photography.

Enjoy!

And enjoy the challenges of being a mom. I wish I was more help. I really do.

Have a great Good Food Friday!

meadow picture by dr3wie

cricket picture by benM135
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

good food friday????

Happy Good Food Friday!!

I apologize for the posting hiatus. I just haven't felt very inspired lately. Especially when it comes to food. I love food. And food loves me. It comes to visit and then decides to stay forever. It makes me sad. And mad. So I've been boycotting my love for food, by not posting or saying anything good about food, but to no avail.

So, Good Food Friday and I are back! Hurray!

Since some of you asked questions about food, I thought today would be an appropriate day to answer them.

Let us begin.

Allyson asked: "Okay, where do you find your recipes? You always have such fun ones - do you have a favorite book/books, websites, etc"

Allyson, I blame all of this on these two people:

My dear ol' Mom and Dad (no they are not about to be abducted by aliens in a giant silver UFO. It's some crazy place in Chicago. I'll tell you all about it next month.)

A long time ago my Mom and Dad were almost hippies. They lived in a hippie college town (Corvallis, OR). They were part of a communal garden project. They cooked with tofu. They frequented odd smelling health food stores. They grew their own sprouts in little plastic cages. They even grew their own yogurt.

Then they grew out of their hippie phase and decided to master the fine art of Chinese Food. They bought woks. They bought cleavers. They bought cookbooks. They came, they saw, they cooked chinese. Food. Not people.

The point is, my mom and dad aren't afraid to try new things -- even though, as kids, we sometimes were.

As a result, I like to read cookbooks and cooking magazines, and even the occasional cooking blog. And I subject my family to the recipes that sound most intriguing. Some successful, some not so much. If you ever want to watch PB&J turn green and start to dry heave -- just say "Huevos Rancheros."

"We take no prisoners."


As I've mentioned before, I like Cooks Illustrated, Bake or Break, Bakerella, Pioneer Woman (try the cheesy olive bread) and I have a huge collection of mostly untried recipes that I've ripped out of magazines.


Kate asked: "What is your favorite dessert? And when you need a quick sweet fix, what do you head for? (ie, chocolate chips, peanut butter, nutella, you get the picture)."

Kate, the truth is, I love all desserts. Just like I love all my sisters. I don't believe in having favorites. And I suffer with indecision issues.

But, my favorite sweet fix these days involves taking a scoop of Nutella, microwaving it for a few seconds while I wash and slice up a couple of strawberries, and then snarfing down strawberry slices coated with nutella as fast as I can before the kids catch me and want me to share.

Amy asked: "So my real question, where do you come up with all your fun posts? Specifically the pictures, recipes etc."

Amy, I am just honored that you think some of my posts are fun. I do love to take a gander at the crazy pictures people post on Flickr. Give it a try! It's a great way to waste time!

See, I just found this picture of Flickr and now I am dying to try kiwi with nutella!



Melanie asked: "You always have such great recipes. What's your all time favorite meal? Not necessarily one that you make - doesn't food taste better when someone else makes it anyway?"

A-men to that Melanie! (Although nothing makes me crankier than going to a restaraunt and paying good money for food I can make better.) Anyway. Though I don't believe in favorites, I would say my favorite meal would be a Thanksgiving mutation -- except with steak instead of turkey -- and it wouldn't be complete without the green bean casserole, cranberries (oh, but then you need the turkey), yams, homemade rolls, butter, homemade jam, and at least 5 pies (apple, pumpkin, pecan, lemon meringue, AND cherry) and possibly bread pudding to boot. Have I ever told you I heart carbs?


I do.


And last, but not least, Shem asked: "What is your favorite local restaurant? (local counts the county north of us)"


Right now, Shem, I would have to say I love The Cheesecake Factory. I am totally in love with their Bang Bang Chicken. And I have a hard time tryinganything else, when I get to go there so infrequently. I found a knock-off recipe for Bang Bang Chicken here, and it is pretty darn good. Just don't look at the calorie info at the bottom. It only depressed me. I try to justify it by not eating the rice. I hope it works.


And now, so-as not to let you down, I am going to share with you a long time Lunchroom standby for my official Good Food Friday recipe. My sister Farm Girl already blogged about this, so I will just refer you to her blog if you are looking for some entertainment. Anyway. This recipe for "Oatmeal Glop" was created by me and my sibs back when we were starving hungry kids, waiting impatiently from our Mom and Dad to come back from Area 54 or the grocery store -- wherever they were hiding from us. But I don't recommend you try it. I am just trying to keep things real.

As an extra bonus Farm Girl also included a recipe for Toaster Gross, created by her husband in college.





I REALLY don't recommend you try that.




nutella picture by Hoobygroovy
huevos picture by mag3737


picture of my parents stolen from Kate.

I apologize in advance for this post

I saw this picture on one of my favorite blogs today.

It is quite a famous picture entitled "Primavera" by Botticelli.

Quick, without clicking on the link, was Botticelli a man or a woman?

There is a dead giveaway hidden in this picture -- and it doesn't have anything to do with the abundance of scantily clad women either.

Can you tell what it is?

Need a hint?
There you go. Botticelli was a man. Because a woman would never have painted a man in a toga wearing his "warrior" boots and tube socks.

Just like my "performance toilet." It can only have been marketed by a man, as Cheree postulated: "You know it was a man that came up with the name of the "Performance Toilet" and not just a performance toilet but the global leader."

I would guess the Marketing Mastermind behind the Performance Toilet might have had this kind of performance in mind:

Or possibly the Ad Exec was dreaming of the "Man's Bathroom" as Allyson speculated: "When I read the words "performance toilet" I had a flashback to an OLD "Home Improvement" episode. You know, the show with Tim Allen as an almost mentally handicapped handy man. ANYWAY there was an episode where they made a "man bathroom" and there was a TV and cup holders, a mini fridge, and...the toilet reclined. Quite a performance if you ask me."

But alas, said toilet does not recline. And there is something morally and ethically wrong with having a fridge or drinks in a bathroom. Can you say "Fecal Aerosols"?

It could be that Mr. Marketing was sports minded, and was thinking of this kind of performance:

Val is also sports minded, and asked: "So, does your new toilet require a dose of Performance Enhancing Drugs on a regular basis?"

Val, I read recently that "people" shouldn't be flushing their unused prescriptions down the toilet, so, alas, our Performance Toilet will no longer "unknowingly" *wink*wink* be taking performance enhancing drugs.

From the Head Nurse comes the following: "I would say a toilet that performs really is something special- Can you bring it out here for our entertainment?"


And "Henry" (Henry, are you really my dad, incognito? Do you feel slightly chagrined to be asking a question about a toilet? Even though it was quite funny?)

"Henry" *cough*cough* asked: "Is a performance toilet something like performance art? Do you need a ticket to see it? Or use it?"



Alas, Henry and Head Nurse, the Performance Toilet is exclusively engaged at the Lunchroom. Though the toilet occasionally utilizes a candle -- or sometimes just a match -- in the performance of its art, it can't quite be considered atrue performance artist. The toilet performs daily, with the occasional midnight show. No tickets are necessary, and the Toilet recommends you try the Roast Beef, or even better -- the All-Bran -- and please, don't forget to tip your server.



And sadly, Amber, despite your hopes (and mine) for better performance: "Be happy you chose a performance toilet. Perhaps it will perform better than the old water saver toilets that never pump enough water through to flush much on the first try...sorry to be graphic."


The Manly Man's Global Leader in Performance Toilets is not quite man enough for this Man:

surfacing

*gasp*

Finally, most of the MESS is finished, though we are still waiting for carpet for the top three stairs. Don't ask. I don't know why. If I had measured the carpet and ordered it, I might expect something like that to happen. But I didn't, and so I don't understand how a trained professional (and I use the term loosely) can make that kind of mistake.

But most things are put back where they belong (except the things that belong on the top three steps -- like carpet) and I am feeling like I am finally coming up for air.

So I thought I'd take this chance to answer a few more questions.

The Duvall Family asked:

I would like to know where I can get a cute white skirt for church...either a pencil skirt or a flowy (is that a word??) skirt.

My answer for today is look here. They are offering both a pencil skirt and flowy skirt, for your wearing pleasure. I have one much like this one, and I love it. Although I must warn you, wear a white dry-clean only skirt and you are sure to be graced with a slobbery chocolate coated kiss right on your knee. Or rump.

Kate asked:

Dear sister, who is your favorite sister?

My answer: All my sisters are my favorite. Anything beyond that, and I'm taking the Fifth.

Not the Fifth Sister, because I don't have one. But the Fifth Ammendment. Because I know my rights. And I know any other answer will just get me in trouble.

Now, I must be off to piano lessons.

Stayed tuned for more questions and answers on parenting, food, and performance toilets. I know, you can hardly wait.

happy 200th post!

come on, sing it with me:

"Happy 200th post to me! Happy 200th post to me! Happy 200th post dear me, Happy 200th post to me!"

Ah, shucks! Thanks! You all are so sweet.

Yes, it's true. This is the long awaited 200th post. I would have posted earlier, but our MESS has been all consuming. Throw a birthday for the Youngest Carrotstick into the MESS and there has been absolutely no coming up for air.

But, enough about my mess. Onto your questions, and my, but they were excellent questions.

Now, while I am waiting very impatiently for the carpet layer to get here, I will try to answer a few of them.

First off, my very favorite question from Cheree:

"My question to you is how do you look so good and young? It is hard to believe that you have a teenage daughter."

Cheree, I love you. If I give you a dollar everytime I see you, will you keep asking me that? My answer: Braces. Yes, I am a nerd and I currently have braces (for 3 more cross-my-fingers months). But the braces give the illusion of youth -- because you think only teen-agers wear braces. I'm afraid it even confused our old bishop -- he must of thought I relate well to teenagers because of them -- and hence my calling in the Young Women organization. Once the braces are off, I'm sure I'll look like the dinosaur my daughter thinks I am.

Kninsa asked "What's for dinner?"

I'll tell you what I tell PB&J when he asks me that: Whatever you want to make. Or, more realistically, whatever they serve at the restaurant you want to go to.

And finally, Mom The Runner asked "How was your weekend?"

Last weekend (the weekend in question) was excellent. We went to out of town to see our niece get baptized, so that was great.

And this weekend was pretty good, but exhausting. We went to the Youngest Carrotstick's piano recital (He played well, and his piano teacher performed too and was awesome.) We went out to dinner with friends -- always a good time. Saturday, the Oldest Carrotstick and I went to a swimsuit party so she could get a new swimming suit. It took a lot of restraint, but I decided to forgo the pleasure of trying on swimming suits myself. Then we went to a Stake Youth Service Project, went snowmobiling with cousins, came home, moved everything out of the front room, tore up and replaced baseboards, and went to bed very late indeed. And then there was Daylight Savings. I hate Daylight Savings. Sunday, we made it to church just in time. Were spiritually fed. Came home. Took a nap. Had a Young Womens meeting. And went to dinner at my mom and dad's.

There. Does that answer your question in more detail than you cared to know? Thanks for asking!

Stay tuned for more answers to your questions about food, toilets and child rearing!

nerdy picture by brendan1/2