The Oldest Carrotstick has broken her first heart. She not only broke it, but according to the devastated boy-child, she broke it, ripped it in two, threw it on the ground and stomped all over it, laughing maniacally.
See if you can follow me on this:
The Oldest Carrotstick and this boy, Ethan Thomas, liked each other. But they weren’t going out, because she told him she can’t date until she’s 16. But that didn’t stop them from exchanging Valentines and talking on the phone.
Then he "unofficially broke-up" with her to go out with Olivia Pitts.
The Oldest Carrotstick was a little sad, but moved on and developed a crush on Mike Bell, even though one of her best friends, Bethany Andrews, was going out with him.
Well. Finally, Ethan decided he didn’t like Olivia anymore, and wanted to go back to the Oldest Carrotstick. He had decided, after all, that they were meant to be. He told her he couldn’t wait for her to turn 16, so they could finally go out. Luckily, she had had enough of him, and in a DTR told him she just wanted to be -- dun-dun-dun -- FRIENDS.
Are you still with me? Okay. Try to keep up.
Then, last week, Bethany Andrews broke up with Mike Bell, for Steve Phillips (after they KISSED on the LIPS! And there were witnesses, so it has to be true, but it was only for a second.) So, Mike Bell NOW likes the Oldest Carrotstick.
Unfortunately for him, she has moved on to her newest love, David Archuleta. (Thank you David, for coming into her life.)
Ethan Thomas is sure that the Oldest Carrotstick and Mike Bell are going to "unofficially go out". He made several upset phone calls to Mike Bell and sent him a few angry texts yesterday. Then he called the Oldest Carrotstick, and in a voice hoarse with emotion, told her that he had been sitting on his bed, crying, all day, because she had no idea how hard he had been working to (and I quote) "win back the girl of [his] dreams." The Oldest Carrotstick took this expression of pre-teen angst pretty well. She swears she didn’t laugh out loud while he was still on the phone.
All-in-all, it is very very tragic.
I read an interview today that asked the interviewee about their idea of a living hell.
She answered:"Having to be at the same uninspiring place everyday at the same time surrounded by annoying and insecure people.
I think it’s called junior high."
Too, too true.