If I could get your attention, please.
Welcome to this meeting of The Sack Lunch Conspiracy. I appreciate you all coming to the Lunchroom today. We have just a few items of business.
First, we would like to introduce you to the Lunch Lady's new avatar:
Please welcome the Anna Marie, the Lunch Lady's favorite brand of hairnet. As you know, the hairnet is the one accessory a Lunch Lady can never do without. It is THE final touch of loveliness. This lovely little avatar will now accompany any comments the Lunch Lady might on your blog. It will be a sign that is it an official comment by the Lunch Lady, and not some fraudulent imposter. (Not that that is a problem, but if it were . . . )
Second, we would like to introduce a new feature -- The Sack Lunch Conspiracy Lunch Lady Commendation Award.
Here in the Lunchroom we feel it is important reward Goodness with Positive Reinforcement. We, therefore, would like to recognize those things that make life a little nicer, a little better. Things like pre-made, frozen, crustless pb&j sandwiches., or double-ply toilet paper. We want to reward those people, or institutions, that go the extra mile -- that go above and beyond the call of duty -- that restore our Joie de Vivre.
And so, it is with great Joie that we award Nordstrom with:
The Lunch Lady Commendation Award for the Best Mirrors in a Public Restroom.
Nordstrom's Ladies Restroom features full-length mirrors that are, in fact, skinnifying. (What? You say you have never heard the word "skinnifying"? Well, I may have made it up. Or I may not have. But its meaning is obvious: to make skinny.) These mirrors are not obviously skinnifying -- like a fun house mirror -- but ever-so subtly skinnifying. What a beautiful thing. I wish I had a few skinnifying mirrors at home. Thank you Nordstrom, for doing your part to make me feel better about myself, and want to buy more clothes in your store.
Next time you go, make sure you check out the full length mirrors. (I would have taken pictures of the Mirror receiving the award, but I was afraid that would have been a little weird and that I would get arrested.)
If you have anything you feel deserves a Lunch Lady Commendation, please submit your nominee to The Sack Lunch Conspiracy in the comments section. We will review all submissions and take them into consideration.
This concludes all matters of business. We look forward to seeing you again our next meeting.