Monday, June 9, 2008

a candidate for change

Over the past several years, I have found myself competing for the affections of the Littlest Carrotstick. I have been trying desperately to convince him that I am just as cool as his 2nd mom, Betsy Case. (He always calls her both names "Betsy Case" (or some variation of that name. . . ) And she really is a second mom to him -- she taught him how to ride his bike without training wheels. . . She does cool activities with him. . . He'd rather be at her house than mine. . . .)

I modeled my platform after those of many a successful politician: "If you can't win 'em, buy 'em!" So, for the past couple of years, I have purchased season passes to the local waterpark for the kids. That way, when the Littlest Carrotstick goes there with Betsy Case, at least we can tag along and act like we do fun things like that, too.

Though the polls showed a marked improvement in my approval ratings during the summer months, I have now been forced to rethink my strategy.

Today, as we walked through the park for the very first time this season, minding our own business, not bothering anyone, a large group of pre-teen boys started jumping up and down, waving, and yelling the Oldest Carrotstick's name. Among them was the nefarious Ethan Thomas (whose attentions have been diverted from the Oldest Carrotstick by a $5 bet. He has to go out with Amy Marchant for one week, and then in order to win the $5, he has to break-up with her to her face.)
((Can. you. even. believe. it? Does this make you fear the future for your young daughters?))

I now think season passes to the waterpark were not such a great idea after all. Especially if she'll be seeing boys there. Especially when she will be scantily clad in this
all-too-revealing (though modest) swimsuit.


I think I will be purchasing this suit right away for her:

If you are interested in getting one for yourself or a loved one, here's the link.

I am hereby offically withdrawing -- not just suspending -- my candidacy in the Cool Mom Contest. I endorse Betsy Case for Coolest Mom.


*all names have, once again, been changed to protect the innocent.
My name is the Lunch Lady and I approve this message.

6 comments:

Melanie said...

I want to be a cool mom like Betsy Case, too, but I don't think I'll ever be that cool. I am seriously considering that suit, though. Maybe I'll actually swim this summer if I can wear that.

Nanette said...

Well, at least it claims to be "slimming"!

Kate said...

Betsy Case, that is a nice fake name. Too bad I've been gone so long I can't even remember her real name.
Could you buy me a new swim suit too? One like oldest CS please.

Head Nurse/Patient- you be the judge said...

they have a "burkini" for muslim women who like the beach- can you believe that- you might want that one cause it covers the face too-

I have never desired to be the Coolest mom- but my kids whole heartedly agree that I am the meanest mom.

Kellye and Jon said...

That is a good looking swim suit. I look forward to seeing you guys at the swim park. I have to tell you that when my children become teenagers I may just sell my home and buy a nice big boat hire my own personal teacher for the children and live out on the ocean where I can hover over them and dictate their every move. Hopefully I will think of a better plan before then.

jana said...

Betsy Case is very cool, no question...but, no worries! Our littlest CS has told me many times (in his own language, of course) that you are right up there on the "cool meter." Coolness, I'm afraid, is never decided by our own kids, but by their friends. (Tootsie rolls make you cool too!)