making the grade

Here in the Lunchroom, we aim to please. But it's hard please everyone. Sometimes we have to make tough decisions. Decisions that are sometimes not fully appreciated. But we do it for your own good. You simply can't have pizza everyday for lunch. However, that said, sometimes making tough calls causes us ANXIETY.

It's kind of like going to the eye doctor and looking through his many lens/fly eye contraption.You sit in his chair, looking through the fly eye thing, and he says, "Which is clearer, 1 or 2?"

He turns a few knobs and flips a few lenses, then "3 or 4?" he asks.

And again, "5 or 6?"

"7 or 8?"

Then, just to mix it up a little, "Is A better or worse?" he asks, "A or B? That's B. That's A."

You start to panic a little, because you want to give the right answer. Nobody likes to fail a test. You hesitate.

And the good doctor says, "That's B. That's A." switching lenses back and forth as he talks. "B. And A. B. B. A. and then its back to B, again," he says, now a bit impatiently.

Mamma Mia! You start to sweat, just a little, on your upper lip. You hope he doesn't notice. And at the same time you are wondering "If I say A, am I really saying 'Coke-bottle lenses' ? Does B mean normal lenses? Is 4 right, or should it be 5? If I say 8 is better than 9, does that mean I'm a good candidate for Lasik? But what if I just want contacts? What number correlates with contacts?????" You try to tell yourself to remain calm, but you hate doing badly on tests. You really want an A in eye exams.

And then finally, finally, the torture ends. He pulls the fly lens machine away from your face and you try look nonchalant as he scribbles the verdict on his little prescription pad.

I, your Lunch Lady, experience this exact same trepidation when I have the blessing of taking a meal to someone. What if they hate what I make? What if they secretly loath tomatoes, but won't tell me? What if they look at the food I make and think "who eats this kind of slop?" What if their kids only eat carrots? Or won't eat cheese? Or only eat cheese if it's melted in a soup containing potatoes, but not onions? Half the time my own kids hate what I make. (The Oldest Carrotstick insists she is allergic to salad. Salad??!!??!)

I would volunteer to take more food to people when they are sick, if only they could tell me what exactly they want to eat. I really don't want to get an "F" (for Foul) in Foods. Someone needs to come up with an "Inoffensive Food for Friends" Cookbook, full of good meals to take to your sick friends and neighbors.

If you were contributing to an I.F.F.F. cookbook, what would you include? What's your go-to dinner? Or what's the best meal anyone has ever brought you? Please, ease my pain -- give me some good suggestions. Or we just might end up bringing pizza for every meal after all.

optometry machine picture originally downloaded by John Levanen.